Tag Archives: praise

The Best Encourager in the World

Story of the Day for Saturday February 18, 2012

The Best Encourager in the World

                                                     We never flattered you. 

                                                               1 Thessalonians 2:5

When I browse through a sporting goods store and find a new gizmo that I simply can’t live without, I quickly track down my wife, sweep her in my arms and whisper, “Honey, have I ever told you that your eyes sparkle like shimmering pools of moonlight on a warm summer’s night?”

She sighs, rolls her shimmering pools of moonlight, and asks, “So, what do you want to buy this time?”

My wife, to my great misfortune, can shrewdly distinguish between praise and flattery. Even though both sentiments glow with admiration, she knows that praise and flattery differ greatly in their sincerity.

We flatter when we have an ulterior motive. The goal of flattery is not to give to others but to get something out of the one on whom we lavish insincere praise.

 

When the apostle Paul writes to the newly formed congregation at Thessalonika, he assures them he never seeks to flatter. He had no hidden agenda.

Yet, before disavowing flattery, he has been showering them with praise. He tells them they are a shining model for the other believers in the area. He writes of their joy in the face of severe suffering, their responsiveness in imitating Paul’s example, their faith, their love, their endurance. Paul could hardly be more effusive in his praise.

 

Unlike flattery, praise is sincere. Yet, even though the intention of praise is to encourage others, sometimes praise can inadvertently harm them.

Carol Dweck, a Ph.D from Stanford University, oversaw an experiment with hundreds of fifth graders. A student was given blocks with different colors on each side and asked to form the blocks into the pattern shown on a card.

The first card showed an easy pattern. When a student completed the puzzle, half were told: “Wow, you did really well; you must be really smart.” When the other group finished the easy puzzle they were told: “Wow, you did really well; you must’ve worked really hard.”

Dr. Dweck then had all the students tackle a far more challenging puzzle — one which forced every student to struggle.

When each student finished the two puzzles, they were asked: “Which problems do you want to work on some more: the easier ones or those harder ones?” Those kids who were praised for their intelligence usually wanted to do the easier ones. But the students who were praised for working hard preferred the challenging puzzles.

Dr. Dweck maintains that praising inherent talent motivates kids to not want to grow. New challenges are welcomed by kids praised as hard workers, but are a threat to those who must maintain their reputation for being intelligent.

True praise should always seek to encourage and make others better. And if you learn to praise others wisely, I’m sure you can become the best encourager in the world!

Or is that flattery?

                                                     (copyright by climbinghigher.org and by Marty Kaarre)


“I Felt Like a Lion”

Story of the Day for Tuesday January 31, 2012

“I Felt Like a Lion”

                       Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

                                                     Proverbs 16:24

 According to a poll reported by Tom Rath and Dr. Donald Clifton in How Full Is Your Bucket?, 65 percent of American employees don’t receive any positive recognition for their work in any given year. The author’s also refer to the U.S. Department of Labor which says the number-one reason people quit their jobs is because of lack of appreciation.

 

The Bible says that pleasant words — words of praise and encouragement — boost us in body and soul. Why is it, then, that compliments so easily get stuck in our throats?

“I don’t want it to go to his head,” we say — as if our praise will lead others into a downward spiral of moral degeneration.

 

Have you heard of the Losada Line? Dr. Marcial Losada found that there is a correlation between a company’s success and the positive-to-negative comments made within the workplace. The dividing line between above and below-average performance is a positive to negative ratio of 2.9. In other words, for a company to be successful, workers need to be making more than three positive comments to every criticism they make of another worker.

Can you take the notion of speaking pleasant words too far? Absolutely — although few of us are in any danger of doing so. The research also discovered there is an upper limit to the positive things we say. If the ratio of positive-to-negative comments exceeds eleven to one, our positive words are perceived as insincere, and become ineffective.

 

When we frequently criticize others, we usually feel that we’re helping them to improve their behavior. The irony is that we don’t respond to critical people. We view negative people as crabby rather than as someone with their welfare in mind.

We do, ironically, respond to criticism from those whose words are predominantly positive.

 

Imagine how you would feel if someone paid you a sincere compliment. Once you’ve been encouraged by their pleasant words, then the beauty of Jesus’ golden rule comes into play: seek to encourage others as the words of others have encouraged you.

 

Barbara Tuchman recounts the story of a corporal in Israel’s armored-corps. After three days of combat he was emotionally shattered.  The destruction and carnage left him apathetic — he no longer cared whether he lived or died.

Schools had organized a program where each student sent a letter and a small gift to a soldier.  When the discouraged corporal saw the letter dropped on his bunk, he thought, “Some silly crap.”  Nevertheless, he opened the letter.

“Dear Soldier,” the letter read, “I am sending you this chewing gum. I am not afraid of bombs because I know you are out there protecting me and will not let anyone kill me.”

The corporal immediately jumped to his feet. “I felt,” the soldier said, “like a lion.”

                                                 (copyright by climbinghigher.org and by Marty Kaarre)